Sometimes words aren't enough

Actions speak louder than words, that's what everyone tells me.
I've done a lot of crazy shit to show people what I feel, and was it really worth it?
Sometimes it is, but most of the time it really wasn't.

Never give up on what you believe in, that is one thing I have always told myself when times were rough.
But what if you don't believe in yourself?
Is it really worth believing in something when you can't even believe in the most important piece of puzzle, yourself?

Blah...I'm just talking shit..

This is the end my one and only friend

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
Ill never look into your eyes...again

Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...strangers hand
In a...desperate land

Lost in a roman...wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane
All the children are insane
Waiting for the summer rain, yeah

Theres danger on the edge of town
Ride the kings highway, baby
Weird scenes inside the gold mine
Ride the highway west, baby

Ride the snake, ride the snake
To the lake, the ancient lake, baby
The snake is long, seven miles
Ride the snake...hes old, and his skin is cold

The west is the best
The west is the best
Get here, and well do the rest

The blue bus is callin us
The blue bus is callin us
Driver, where you taken us

The killer awoke before dawn, he put his boots on
He took a face from the ancient gallery
And he walked on down the hall
He went into the room where his sister lived, and...then he
Paid a visit to his brother, and then he
He walked on down the hall, and
And he came to a door...and he looked inside
Father, yes son, I want to kill you
Mother...i want to...fuck you

Cmon baby, take a chance with us
Cmon baby, take a chance with us
Cmon baby, take a chance with us
And meet me at the back of the blue bus
Doin a blue rock
On a blue bus
Doin a blue rock
Cmon, yeah

Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

It hurts to set you free
But you'll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die

Love Street

I just want to clear somethings up:
I REALLY like you.
No I'm not mad at you.
I just don't know what to say after what you found out yesterday.
Please forgive me if I made you feel uncomfortable because it wasn't my intention to do so u_u
All I wanted was to get that off my chest because it was bothering me and I didn't want to regret not telling you.
and If you have any questions, I'll be glad to answer them.

Shine on you crazy diamond

Yes I like you a lot
But you don't even notice
and if you do, PLEASE give me a sign
ANY sign with do lol

This one's for you Ragbo...

I can't really describe what I feel right now...
Ragbo was one of the things that made my dad happy
Now he's gone...
You really don't know what you've got till it's gone
and I'm going to really miss him.

I remember when he was a small black puppy
He was the cutest thing I have ever seen in my entire life..
I'll always remember him, because he was like a brother to me.
My dad called him his son with a tail.
I love you Ragbo, Bull, and Dad.

Things are changing

There is nothing really in my power to make it stop
It's hard having to go through this multiple changes and it kills me to see the things I love disappear right in front of my very own eyes.
I wish things were back to the way they used to be, but then I start to realize that maybe this is happening for a reason.
Maybe it's for the best...although it is painful having to go through this..
I just wish...
There were someone that would be there for me when I need them.

I don't even know what to write about
I just want to let you know how grateful I am for meeting someone like you
For some particular reason I can just talk about anything with you, and I feel comfortable doing it.
Thanks for always being there when I need you, and you know you'll always have me to talk to if you ever need anyone.

It's funny because when I first met you, I thought you really didn't want to talk to me or even hang out. I always thought that we could never really get to know each other, but as days pass I get to know you more and more, and realize how much of a great person you are.
Thank you for everything and just remember
Happiness is right around the corner =)

No use living in the past

Yes I've fucked up before
Who hasn't?
I know words aren't enough to heal the pain I caused you
But it pissed me off what you did, and you know well what you did
What you did wasn't to clear things up and not lie, it was out of pure revenge.
And yes I did used you, I'd be a fucking fool to deny that
But I guess we all learned something from it haven't we?
I mean I suppose you got back at me that day you told her the truth.

Now leave me alone
I live with the problems I have with people and rather not make them a big deal since it's in the past.
You're living your life and I'm living mine.
I want you to know I feel like a fucking dog for doing that for you, and I regret it.
But it's to late for that now, I would rather live knowing I've fucked up, rather than living in denial and blaming myself for everything.
If you would have talked to me better, maybe we would have worked things out
But since you talked to me all hostile, I retaliated.
So there you go

Where are you going with your life?

I'm sure many teens (god I hate that word...but I hate the word adolescent even more) ask themselves this question all the time.
Well I do also, and it's something that bothers me all the time.
But thinking about the future isn't going to help us if we don't know what's happening now and try to fix what's in front of you rather than thinking of something that might happen later on.
I've realized that's one of my problems and I'm not living the moment.
I'm tired of that and I'm going to live my life to the fullest.
So fuck the future, I'm gonna seize the day.
Carpe Diem <3

A topic we can all relate to...

Well I was observing people and their relationships
I came to the conclusion that love is very very difficult
There are many ways people express their love for another person
and I guess that's what makes every (or almost every) relationship so special because not everyone shows it the same way.
Of course, every relationship has its up and downs but if you really really love the person I guess they would both try and work things out and not fight, but love =]
Yeah yeah yeah, I know you could be thinking "Jon you're such a fucking homo for writing all this pussy ass shit on your blog omg wtf"
But I don't really care because one day or another love with come your way (if it already hasn't) and then you will be saying "True dat Jon, I feel ya"
Well the point of this blog was to let people know that, yeah relationships can be difficult at times but try not to fight and be happy =]
Well yeeeeeeeah, that's about it...
Peace and Love bitches <3

And another thing...

I'm sick of people being scared of me
I mean should I hide who I truely am because no one can accept me for it?
Fuck, I think I'm a pretty decent guy...
Yes we call commit mistakes, but thats part of being a human being
I've commited many, some that I would love to take back, but it's to late to live in the past and regret everything because all that does is torment you.
There are a few people out there who really know who I am, and some that are getting to know me.
For those of you who don't know me, well then if you ever have the chance come up and talk to me, don't be shy I don't bite.
Yes I may be a bit hostile and serious at times, but that's not all of me, If you ever get the chance to know me you'll find out that I'm much more than I appear to be.
So please,
Don't be scared.

Please tell me what you guys think...=S

Bad luck & Rumors

Well I really hate when stupid rumors start to spread around about me
I normally don't do anything and hang around by myself and when I suddenly hang out with someone that so happens to be a girl I am "going out with her".
People just don't know what to talk about anymore, and I'm sick of it
I'll just stop hanging around EVERYONE so no one can't start rumors about me.

Apart from that, today was one of my bad days
I stepped on shit
My shoe flew to a electrical fence and I had to go around school without one shoe
My mum went to school and talked to the teachers about my situation in school and how bad im doing.
I guess things can't get any worst...
Only good thing that happened today is getting home, getting my internet back, and talking to someone I haven't talked to in a while...which really were only 2 days lol.

Silence

I might as well just shut up.

Tired of this...

I sick of it
EVERYTHING
The problems come one after an other
I can't take it
I fear I'm gonna do something really stupid...

Walking back home

There is no way of escaping your problems.
It gets me on the way back home, in my room, or when Im alone in general.
It gets you when there's no one around, when you're most vulnerable.
I try to confront them, but problems are only temporary and come one right after the other.
But that's life and I have to learn to deal with it and try to solve my problems the best way I can, and that's not by using my emotions, but my head...
Kinda hard to do though

Memorable Songs

.....

I feel like im losing you...

Pissed the fuck off

God
I have so many reasons why I am pissed the fuck off I don't even want to mention them because even mentioning them pisses me off.
I hate the fact that I'm unable to do anything about it and if I try to it doesn't end up helping at all just making things worst.
But I try and be positive and act as though nothing is wrong when really it burns me up inside.
I hold it in, yes I know that's wrong, but who the hell do I talk too?
My Mom? No I've already tried that and she always says something negative or mixes her emotions into it, which doesn't really make it a piece of advice just an opinion
Friends? Yeah sure...they do help. But sometimes I feel as though I bug them with all my problems and I don't to bother them with that.
Valeria? Yeah I try to, always, but we always change topic or something because we always end up fighting for some reason. I wanna be able to talk things with her without having an interruption or not having confidence in each other. I think we should both have total confidence in each other but sometimes we don't, and that should change.

I really don't know what to do...I think I should just get a shrink...

God I'm so frustrated with how stupid I can be...
Sometimes I do or say things without thinking, and it fucking pisses me off.
I have a very low self-esteem (as most of you already know)
I wanna change that because I HATE to think negativly
I don't know why I ever doubted you
There is no reason why I should doubt you
I know I should trust you when I touch your lips, feel your arms around me, see your smile, look into your eyes that there is no reason in the world I should doubt you.
I hope you can feel the same way about me..

P.S. I love you

I want a girl with lips like morphine, Knock me out every time they touch me. I wanna feel a kiss just crush me, And break me down.

Unexplainable Feelings

OMG
I think I'm the most happiest person in the world at this moment
The smile on my face hasn't gone away since yesterday and it scares me
Yesterday was one of the greatest days ever because I did things I thought I could never do!
I don't regret anything I did and I'm glad it happened
I LOVE THIS FEELING

Don't stop till you get enough

Well these days have been really shitty.
But all that is in the past and I'm starting a new an improved life :D
I'm sick of being depressed and gay all the time (I use that word often so get used to it...)
But today was a good day, I skated, I got my ass wet sliding down the rail in school, I passed all the levels in Camper Strike and my score was 95000, but I was beaten by a Swiss bastard named George...

But here is a video to cheer all you bitches up =)

Blah...

Attention! Attention!
May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room,
If only, if only for one second.

This table has taken a turn for the worst.
Rock bottom, and over the edge.
well,it's not like it hurts that much anyway.
Upside down and inside out
When I leave here I'm going alone.
Well it's not like it, not like it hurts much anyway.

Attention! Attention!
May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room,
If only, if only for one second.
Will you hear what I have to say?
Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell?
Due to the fact that we could have something that'll never happen
Did you hear what I have to...?

This balance has weighed out our hearts’s desire,
I’m trying to make it alone.
Well it’s not like it hurts that much anyway.
Upside-down and inside out,
When I leave here I’m going alone
But I’m dying, I'm dying, to touch...
And it’s not like it, not like it hurts much anyway.

Attention! Attention!
May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room,
If only, if only for one second.
Will you hear what I have to say?
Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell?
Due to the fact that we could have something, something...

Attention! Attention!
May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room,
If only, if only for one second.
Will you hear what I have to say?
Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell?
Due to the fact that we could have something that'll never happen
Will you hear what I have to say?

(Attention Attention)
Upside-down and inside-out
(Attention Attention)
Upside-down and inside-out

Interpreting

I started to wonder if a sad song is always negative.
It depends on the way you look at it really, I am always used to looking at it in a negative manner which makes me depressed. But listening it over and over again
I've realized that it doesn't always have to be negative, it could be sad and all but you can also interpret it as a positive thing.

Take for example, "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd.
It always make me think of what would have been if I didn't commit so many mistakes
But we learn from our mistakes, and make sure we never commit the same mistakes again
That's the way I can interpet a song =S

A Little Thing Called L.O.V.E

I've noticed lately
That everyone falls in love
When you're not in love
LOL
That's just funny.

Doubts

I have lots of doubts

and I don't know what to do

A Walk To Remember

Wow the title of this blog says it all really, let me explain how...
Today began like any normal day, woke up grumpy as always and went to school. I got on the bus and told my friends that I got this trick down called "double kickflip sex change" they were pretty shocked. When I got to school I sat down in my normal spot as I do everyday, right next to the stairs on this wooden bench.

I saw Valeria coming by and that day I decided not to hit her as I do everyday. So she walked by me and didn't say anything (I didn't either and I guess that's really stupid of me but I never seem to greet people when I see them). So when she was going to the bathroom she came up to me and started to talk. I kinda didn't talk back because she started kicking me and stuff like she always does and I didn't want to hit her back because I kinda get tired when people tell me not to hit her because she's a girl and their right.
So I kinda just ignored her and she walked away. Then I thought it was really stupid of me to ignore her and I went to her classroom to go find her. When she got out of her class I started to bother her (which I decided not to do, but its IMPOSSIBLE not to do it because there is no other way we can talk or get close). So when she finally turned around she looked at me and slapped me hard across the face. I got kinda pissed but then I thought "Well that's what I get for messing with her" so I just stood there. She left and I walked to my class to get my bag and go to class.

TOK was interesting because our teacher made us put on blindfolds and walk around the school being guided by one of our classmates. It made me appreciate that I can see and not be blind. (I'm going to skip the entire school day because there is nothing interesting that comes after this.) So school was over and I got home. Bruno, Brian, Andre, and I made a plan going to Caminos Del Inca (also known as The Path Of The Inca lol) but unfortunately it rained today and no one was in the mood for skating. So I was the only one that met up with Andre and decided to go skate.
When I got there Andre was with Marco, and Gino. We decided to go to Andre's house and play Skate. I swear that is one of the coolest video games I have EVER played. We stayed there for a while and went to Caminos. We started to skate around and blah blah when all of a sudden this guy comes out of nowhere and almost hits me. I know this is wrong but I ALWAYS do it because I can't keep my damn mouth shut but I said "Cuidado huevon". He was talking on his phone and stopped the car. He looked at me for like a minute and then hung up his phone and got out of the car. I knew this was going to happen so I got prepared mentally for this stupid discussion that could have been avoided if I just could've kept my mouth shut.
He asked me what I said and that I shouldn't insult him because I was skating in the middle of were cars pass. I know he had a point and I probably would have done the same thing if I were in his position. So I said he could've just gone slower because if he saw us he can't just go full speed towards a person. So in the end I said sorry and he went away. He was trying to be a bigshot because his girl was in the car, but what does he get out of trying to get in a fight with a 16 year old when he is like 40? Whatever so that kinda made me not want to skate as much any more.

Well after all that skating and crap we all decided to go home. We skated towards Andre's house and said our goodbyes (this is were the title comes into play). Andre wanted to lend me Alejandros skateboard (because I didn't bring mine cause I didn't want to damage my grip tape) but I refused because I don't want to be held responsible if something happens to it. So I decided to walk home. I couldn't walk really fast because I have like 3 foot injuries from skating so much so I was limping.
I started to think about what happened today and everything that could have been avoided. I also started to think how everyone is in love, really good at something, and stuff like that. I wondered why can't I find love? Why can't I be good at something? Why does everyone seem to get better and be happy when I'm depressed or sad? Then I thought...why am I so god damn pessimistic? I can't seem to be happy with anything, if something goes wrong I always make up a damn excuse of why it didn't go out the way I planned it to go out.
For example skating. If something goes wrong and I get down a trick I blame it on the skateboard or something, I can't admit that I'm the problem and I'm the one doing something wrong, and I hate that about myself. I can't appreciate what I have and that's were these strange but coincidental things start to happen. I was walking by a church and I see this woman with her son. They stop me and ask me for money for their bus ride because they don't have enough to go back to their house which is in Lurin. I told them that I didn't even have money to go back home and that I walked from Caminos all the way there (which is pretty far). The lady told me get home safe and I went on my way.

I thought to myself "Wow thank god I don't have to ask for money to strangers to go on a bus ride that takes me to my house which is one hour away from here". I started to think I should appreciate what I have and not whine about what I don't have because some people don't have absolutly anything! So once I crossed the street, I got to Benavides. I couldn't get off my mind the guy I got in a discussion with earlier so once I was crossing Benavides this guy kinda like kept moving in a red light. I kinda looked at him like "Uhh I'm crossing?" and he pulled down his window and said sorry that he didn't see me.
I shook my head and told him not to worry about it. Then I started to wonder that not all people are bad. I felt good once that guy forgave himself because it really wasn't a big deal but he did it anyway. It made me wonder that I am such a hot tempered guy and I'm almost never polite (well occasionally, around parents I am). That little thing right there made me want to fix myself and become a better person, I have no idea why lol. Well then I started to walk so more and I got to this park where I could see two dogs. I don't know what dogs do but they have this certain ability to know when someone is depressed or sad. So they came running up to me and started to play around me. I petted them and they jumped around and tried to bit my hand playfully.
That really made my day because I just love animals. I know this might sound weird but I sometimes relate to animals because us humans have so much in common with them that all they need is to talk. They need compassion, love, affection, etc... just like all us humans do. So after that I thought to myself that the world isn't such a bad place and that if you do good things, good things will come to you.

That's my view on life.
And this is probably the longest blog I have written in a while.
=]

OMG!

OMFG
ITS A TIE!!!

=O

Happiness and Reggaeton

Tonight was perfect
Those are the only words
That can express what I felt tonight
=)

IM A SHAAAAAARK!!!

FUCK depression!
I am tired of it. I always get god damn depressed and emo-like. I am going to try to be the most positive person EVER to live! Well today was okay, went to school and skated. I just love the feeling of getting on a board and forgetting everything and trying to nail tricks. I stopped playing guitar I don't really know why though =S. I guess I just needed a break from it and continue with my social life lol (I don't really have one though).

Today in school Mrs. Saavedra told me I needed to do better because out of the whole semester I only turned in one homework. That's pretty pathetic x_x, and I know I need to do better but BAH, its the FUCKING depression that always kicks in and screws it up. It all comes back to the depression u_u.

Just 6 more months till I can go back to the US. I am thinking of not doing the I.B and just being a fucking bum =D.

I love life ^^

Placebo - Because I Want You

FALL INTO YOU, IS ALL I SEEM TO DO
WHEN I HIT THE BOTTLE
CAUSE I´M AFRAID TO BE ALONE

TEAR US IN TWO, IS ALL IT SEEMS TO DO
AS THE ANGER FADES
THIS HOUSE IS NO LONGER A HOME

DON´T GIVE UP ON THE DREAM,
DON´T GIVE UP ON THE WANTING
AND EVERYTHING THAT´S TRUE
DON´T GIVE UP ON THE DREAM,
DON´T GIVE UP ON THE WANTING

BECAUSE I WANT YOU TOO
BECAUSE I WANT YOU TOO
BECAUSE I WANT YOU TOO
BECAUSE I WANT YOU
BECAUSE I WANT YOU

STUMBLE INTO YOU, IS ALL I EVER DO
MY MEMORY´S HAZY
AND I´M AFRAID TO BE ALONE

TEAR US IN TWO, IS ALL IT´S GONNA DO
AS THE HEADACHE FADES
THIS HOUSE IS NO LONGER A HOME

DON´T GIVE UP ON THE DREAM,
DON´T GIVE UP ON THE WANTING
AND EVERYTHING THAT´S TRUE
DON´T GIVE UP ON THE DREAM,
DON´T GIVE UP ON THE WANTING

BECAUSE I WANT YOU TOO
BECAUSE I WANT YOU TOO
BECAUSE I WANT YOU TOO
BECAUSE I WANT YOU
BECAUSE I WANT YOU

BECAUSE I WANT YOU TOO
BECAUSE I WANT YOU TOO
BECAUSE I WANT YOU TOO
BECAUSE I WANT YOU
BECAUSE I WANT YOU

FALL INTO YOU IS ALL I EVER DO!
WHEN I HIT THE BOTTLE
CAUSE I´M AFRAID TO BE ALONE

TEAR US IN TWO
TEAR US IN TWO
TEAR US IN TWO

BECAUSE I WANT YOU TOO
BECAUSE I WANT YOU TOO
BECAUSE I WANT YOU
BECAUSE I WANT YOU
BECAUSE I WANT YOU TOO
BECAUSE I WANT YOU TOO
BECAUSE I WANT YOU
BECAUSE I WANT YOU
-------------------------------------------------------

I love this song because it says exactly feel right now
There are many songs like this that remind me of certain things u_u
It's quite depressing

Remembering the days

Un año a pasado
Un año sin nunca tocar tus labios
Un año sin tenerte en mis brazos
Un año no parece mucho
Pero para mi es una eternidad

Tears in heaven

WOULD YOU KNOW MY NAME

IF I SAW YOU IN HEAVEN?

WOULD IT BE THE SAME
IF I SAW YOU IN HEAVEN?
I MUST BE STRONG AND CARRY ON
´CAUSE I KNOW I DON´T BELONG HERE IN HEAVEN...

WOULD YOU HOLD MY HAND
IF I SAW YOU IN HEAVEN?
WOULD YOU HELP ME STAND
IF I SAW YOU IN HEAVEN?
I´LL FIND MY WAY THROUGH NIGHT AND DAY
Letras4U.com » letras traducidas al español
´CAUSE I KNOW I JUST CAN´T STAY HERE IN HEAVEN...

TIME CAN BRING YOU DOWN, TIME CAN BEND YOUR KNEES
TIME CAN BREAK YOUR HEART, HAVE YOU BEGGING PLEASE...

BEYOND THE DOOR THERE´S PEACE I´M SURE
AND I KNOW THERE´LL BE NO MORE TEARS IN HEAVEN...

WOULD YOU KNOW MY NAME
IF I SAW YOU IN HEAVEN?
WOULD IT BE THE SAME
IF I SAW YOU IN HEAVEN?
I MUST BE STRONG AND CARRY ON
´CAUSE I KNOW I DON´T BELONG HERE IN HEAVEN...

Mr.Brightside

I've realized that friends come and go. I try not to let my friends go but somehow or another they go away anyway. I don't know if it's something I do wrong, but it pisses me off. I guess I should stop trying because its useless fighting it. I kinda feel lonely sometimes, I really do. I know I have many friends and we keep in touch all the time, but if I don't talk to that one person I feel like my world is falling apart.

I know....it sounds like an obsession and I am starting to believe that. Can it be love? I want to believe it's love, but it's hard to love someone that doesn't talk to you and talks to other people and seems extremely happy, but, when you're around she seems uncomfortable and doesn't really talk much. That kinda makes me feel horrible because I remember once upon a time we used to talk a lot, hang out (in school mostly), talk on the phone, etc. Now we don't even say "Hello" anymore.

I just wish things would be the way they were before...

Ants

We all know that ants are the most annoying insects on the face of this planet (also including lice). Today I was playing football (also known as soccer) with my friends and then, all of a sudden, I feel the wrath of one of these little red motherfuckers bite my arm. I abruptly realized I might have step on an ant pile! I looked down and there was an orgy of tiny red dots on my shoes and pants.

I screamed and ran towards the bathroom, knowing what was needed to be done. I could hear the laughter of my friends as I ran into one of the stalls and quickly, but cautiously not wanting to be bitten once again by these foul minions of pain. Once I had my pants off I started to stomp on them, crushing their little tiny bodies in pulp >=]. I laughed in joy as I watched their tiny red bodies filled with life, withered into tiny balls.

Once I was done with my pants it was off to my shoes; I grabbed one and started to hit it on the floor, getting every single ant off of it. I did the same with the other shoe and once I was finished I felt relieved and went to Art class. Today was one hell of a day.

The Background

Wow, its been quite a long time since I last wrote in my blog. I guess my mind has been on other things than writing, I missed it though. Well not many interesting things happening in my life, just pretty boring. I went back to school today and had no motivation what so ever. I didn't do any of my homework and I was kinda scared of what the teacher were going to say but as usual they said nothing.

I guess they can't say anything about it, just how disappointed they are. I mean I am the problem and I am the one who should change. I've always heard people say that "The first step is admitting you have a problem" and I know I have one. I haven't been doing anything in a while and I know that will affect me later on but I don't know why I don't do anything about it...guess I am just kinda lazy.

Getting off the subject of school, I started to skate again. I love skating it gets my mind off a lot of things I don't want to think about. Its like a drug and I can't get enough of it, even though I do have the risk of breaking bones and such but that doesn't matter to me. I haven't played guitar in a while though...which I find kinda odd, but I am sure I am going to pick it up again once I have the motivation.

I didn't speak to her today in school. I know we fight almost every other day but as much as I want to stop fighting it's kind of inevitable because we both have so much things that we hide from one another that sometimes it just wants to come out and that leads to a fight. I want to tell her I love her (which I have never done) but at the same time I don't because I know what she has with her boyfriend is really strong and I don't want to cause their breakup. I just can't hold in these feelings any more.

I love her so much >_<